I searched the world over, and there's still no one like her.

lucy grealy.

a name that I still associate as my personal hero. self-sacrificed and resplendent in her writing. so attuned with the identity of self and loss of it. i can't get over her. i just watched a charlie rose '94 clip of her. i had always wanted to meet her and right after reading her book in 98 i had my pen and paper ready to send telling her how much her autobiography meant to me. i had always seen myself as the lone one in this kind of a journey. but lucy's voice had shown me i wasn't. i knew what she was talking about in her story. that pain, that desire, the turbulence of emotions channeled through this particular experience. my god, she had penetrated me to the core. to this day i cannot and will not forget her. i am sorry she is no longer here, but she left us with such a deftly told courageous story beyond what many have experienced today. thank you Lucy.

blood is the new black. <-- that's what they said.

sometimes i truly believe that the gods are laughing at me. im in the dead end era. most likely im not alone. i'll leave on a happier note though, i dig milano chow. her work is ghettosketchedfabuuulous.

me

narcissism is a funny thing. oftentimes you find it creeping in places you would not have foreseen days earlier. like on the back of your head. or on a strand of hair. or, and this one is good, on the inside of your elbow. it's even funnier now when you have not only celeb-obsessed people walking around, but people who are so enamored with themselves they believe they are the celebrities themselves. it's great to hang around people who are really into themselves because you find that your sense of purpose in being their friend is greatly diminished in their presence but strangely you also find yourself tuning in to your own hidden self loving desires. "wow! your right, these yellow stockings with the red pencil skirt and brown oxfords really do look good on me! I make everything work!" I'm telling you, it's amazing what narcissism can do for you these days. you should try it out yourself. go ahead. oh wait, you've already posted 400 video clips of yourself on myspace and youtube? i rest my case.